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bamba doo a bamba doo. kldakjldafnfadsllk; doopaydoop. aaaaahhh why does life consist of always having so much to dooooo

Apr. 30th, 2010

i'm slowly becoming a woman. i can feel it. and i like it.



i may have just realized my dream job - besides singing, of course.

animal nursery worker.

AND no education necessary. score!

of course i'm finishing my business degree either way, but my job-searching after getting my diploma will be geared towards baby animal care. booyah!

being a veterinary assistant wouldn't be bad either. still animals, and still care. and still no education required.

neither pay well, but i really could care less.

Jun. 4th, 2009

lol i havent posted for...a very long time.

and i don't really feel like writing anything right now, to be honest. but i thought i'd maybe give a brief update on stuff.

things with david are still FABULOUS <3 <3 <3

we started going to an english speaking church here in monaco, and they let me sing in their worship band on sundays, and it is soooooo wonderful i cannot even begin to explain!! i've really been needing singing back in my life. plus, the pastor is really awesome and hangs out with us during the week sometimes :).

between the 2 of us, along with keeping our grades up, we're working 4 jobs, all to help pay tuition, cuz IUM offers NO SCHOLARSHIPS. WTH.

david and i might be transferring to a university in australia in the fall, depending on the scholarships they offer us. I SO WANNA GO. it excites me just thinking about the possibility. cuz like, monaco is nice, but it's not us. too many rich people and yachts and spending hundreds of euros on one night at a club. australia seems like it would fit us so much better. plus, ITS FREAKING AUSTRALIA :P.

i haven't gotten tickets yet, but i'm coming back to california in july. i'm very homesick. not sure if david's coming with me or not. i really hope so.
havent updated for a while.
i had my first white christmas this year. we went up to auron, which is a couple hours north-ish from nice, up in the french alps. and there was a lot of snow, and we went skiing.
my parents came to visit me for a week! i really liked showing them around monaco and the french coast. they loved david's grandma :). we had an early christmas with them (since they left the day before christmas), and i used an umbrella as my christmas tree. haha :). mom brought a whole bunch of clothes from my closet at home that i couldnt fit into my suitcases coming, and im very excited cuz my wardrobe here has now doubled, lol :). more of my sweaters, more of my shoes, my boots, yay.
my school had a christmas ball the beginning of december, and it was the most beautiful night ever. i felt beautiful, david looked like freaking james bond (SOOOOO SEXYYYYY), and i got to perform for everyone....i sang fever and i was actually very proud of how i did (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). there are a bunch of pictures from the ball on facebook if you havent already seen them.
david and i have been watching the office. it is such an addicting show.
i kindof went backwards with everything, but o well. im tired.
things are pretty good. we had this week off from school, which was a nice break. david and i didnt do anything for halloween. ive started seeing a doctor here for my depression and fatigue. or rather, i had an initial exam and blood taken this week, and once the doc gets my blood results he can start me on treatment. cuz basically, me off meds is not very good.
i think i want to go back to more of my natural hair color next weekend. dark roots are the most annoying thing ever. plus, i feel like blonde isnt really my personality. blonde is more of an outgoing, social, fun kind of color. not really me.
i get sad a lot that i have a hard time being social, altho david thinks its a good thing, because a lot of socialness, especially in monaco, is very very shallow. he sees it as me saving my friendship for people who deserve it. i dont know about that. i just think im scared of people.
since being here, we've gone to 1 club, 1 party, and then one sortof but not really party. compared to everyone else here who goes out 2, sometimes even 3 times every single weekend. i wish i wasnt so.... frightened of everybody. and everything...lol.
my acne is also bad right now and my ass is fatter. blagh.
im starting to get upset a lot more often, and depressed for no reason. i had hoped those days were over, but i guess they're not.

Oct. 13th, 2008

finally have internet/phone at home. soo happy about that.

i got to drop my english class cuz they accepted my english credits from biola. which means i get extra time every monday and wednesday morning :).

im doing sooo well academically. and i had a couple weeks where i didnt have any major freakouts, which was nice to notice, altho i did get a bit eh (well...very eh actually) this weekend when trying to do the math hw. but thats still an improvement, considering that before, i was freaking out most days of the week.

im only getting good grades. the lowest grade im aware of at this point was the B+ on the first business quiz. i got an A- on my powerpoint presentation for IT. ive gotten nearly all 100%'s on my french hw's, and got a 94%(i think? or was it 92?) on my first french quiz. ive been getting "very good" or "excellent" mentions on every math hw assignment. the 2 math quizzes we've had i got a 92% and 102% on - the latter, i was told by my teacher, was the first score over 100 by any of his students this semester. makes me feel pretty smart and special, right? but its weird cuz i feel like im not grasping everything, even tho my grades say otherwise. its kindof trippy. i dont think my grades are going to stay this high, altho david disagrees. we'll have to see.
it's after 8pm and im still at school. cuz i still do not have internet (and phone) at home. so yup! finishing up my powerpoint presentation for IT thats due tomorrow.
its been over a month since the internet/phone got ordered, im so frustrated. but at least we're getting an electrician in on wednesday so we can figure out why the freaking livebox won't work. so maybe ill get internet this week?????????? I SURE HOPE SO.
i hope the buses run late enough to get me back home when im done, LOL.

ive been really missing singing. i havent been in a choir since my first year at biola. my skills have kindof left. its weird to have had 8 or so years of constant singing involvement and study and then all of a sudden...not. i havent really sung for like, over a year and a half. it sucks :(. i miss being in a choir where i can harmonize and make beautiful sounds. i also miss voice lessons.

i was talking to a classmate from france last week and he was telling me that coolio was his favorite rap artist. i then told him that i made a cd with coolio's producer (which, is true btw, if you didnt know). he was excited and wanted a cd. but i was reminded that i hate my cd, lol. is that weird, that i want people to know i have a cd but not want anyone to hear it? i miss that too, going to the recording studio with my mom and doing songs with i-roc. but i hate that im not proud of that work, and that i dont want people to hear it. what the hell? i did an amazing thing and im embarrassed. thats stupid. i wish i could do it again but with songs that actually work with my voice. that show off what ive got and not try to conform to what i wish i could sound like. thats one thing ive learned from my singing failures is that i try to sing like i wish i could sing, but cant, so it doesnt really work. and, im not singing the right stuff. i just dont know exactly what i should be singing.
wait, what am i talking about, i dont even sing anymore. lol.

i wanna go home, im tired.

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